If your life was like a box of chocolates what types of chocolates would be in the box? Would they be savory or sweet; bitter or sour; crunchy or chewy; good or bad?
Personally I feel like if my life was like a box of chocolates the box would probably be filled with a couple of really good ones but then the majority would be gross and disgusting. Like, not just the kind of gross chocolate that you take a bite out of then put it back after spitting the piece in your mouth out but the type of gross where as soon as it hits your tongue (if you are able to get it to your mouth before gagging on the stench) you immediately have to throw up. Pretty gross huh? My life has this nice little packaging on the outside that looks all good and inviting and then you open the box and begin to doubt whether or not the chocolates are really as good as they had said to be and just to test it out you take a bite of one and you know for sure something is seriously wrong with the chocolate as you make a b-line for the bathroom.
I am a selfish, prideful, judgmental, hypocritical, fearful, arrogant, ridiculous mess. Now maybe your reading this and your thinking, "no way your not like this at all you help people and stuff." Let me burst your bubble: I am like this. There are times now and again where I help people and walk in love and compassion but too often they are overcrowded by the candy coating of selfishness and pride. I spend too much time thinking about my position and my own glory and not enough time thinking about truly sacrificing for others. Without realizing it I judge others based on their appearance, or smell, and feel on some level that I am better than them. I am probably one of the biggest hypocrites I know. I speak big words of Gods love and how He has commanded us to love one another as He has loved us and yet here I am living selfishly and having no clue how to really love others. I am a Seriously Ridiculous Mess.
And yet... Jesus Loves me.
This is even harder for me to understand because I know how big of a mess I am and how often i fail, and choose to fail, and still He loves me. It is an absolutely Ridiculous love that no human being can ever comprehend and I won't try to explain it because I don't even understand it other than that God loves me. This love drives me to want to be different it urges me to seek some type of change in the consistency of the chocolates within the box of my life; that rather than being overpowered by the gross and disguising the sweet and delicious chocolates would be the majority. But again I go back to my mess. I read passages in 1 John and I realize I have no idea how to really love others and I study Ephesians 5 and recognize that I have no idea how to or even what to do to imitate God. Maybe I don't have to do anything. Maybe all I have to do is to submit to His Will but even then what does that look like? I don't know.
All I know is this, God loves me and I need grace, love, and the Spirit in order for the Seriously Ridiculous Mess of the box of chocolates to be transformed into something amazing.
-B
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