If your life was like a box of chocolates what types of chocolates would be in the box? Would they be savory or sweet; bitter or sour; crunchy or chewy; good or bad?
Personally I feel like if my life was like a box of chocolates the box would probably be filled with a couple of really good ones but then the majority would be gross and disgusting. Like, not just the kind of gross chocolate that you take a bite out of then put it back after spitting the piece in your mouth out but the type of gross where as soon as it hits your tongue (if you are able to get it to your mouth before gagging on the stench) you immediately have to throw up. Pretty gross huh? My life has this nice little packaging on the outside that looks all good and inviting and then you open the box and begin to doubt whether or not the chocolates are really as good as they had said to be and just to test it out you take a bite of one and you know for sure something is seriously wrong with the chocolate as you make a b-line for the bathroom.
I am a selfish, prideful, judgmental, hypocritical, fearful, arrogant, ridiculous mess. Now maybe your reading this and your thinking, "no way your not like this at all you help people and stuff." Let me burst your bubble: I am like this. There are times now and again where I help people and walk in love and compassion but too often they are overcrowded by the candy coating of selfishness and pride. I spend too much time thinking about my position and my own glory and not enough time thinking about truly sacrificing for others. Without realizing it I judge others based on their appearance, or smell, and feel on some level that I am better than them. I am probably one of the biggest hypocrites I know. I speak big words of Gods love and how He has commanded us to love one another as He has loved us and yet here I am living selfishly and having no clue how to really love others. I am a Seriously Ridiculous Mess.
And yet... Jesus Loves me.
This is even harder for me to understand because I know how big of a mess I am and how often i fail, and choose to fail, and still He loves me. It is an absolutely Ridiculous love that no human being can ever comprehend and I won't try to explain it because I don't even understand it other than that God loves me. This love drives me to want to be different it urges me to seek some type of change in the consistency of the chocolates within the box of my life; that rather than being overpowered by the gross and disguising the sweet and delicious chocolates would be the majority. But again I go back to my mess. I read passages in 1 John and I realize I have no idea how to really love others and I study Ephesians 5 and recognize that I have no idea how to or even what to do to imitate God. Maybe I don't have to do anything. Maybe all I have to do is to submit to His Will but even then what does that look like? I don't know.
All I know is this, God loves me and I need grace, love, and the Spirit in order for the Seriously Ridiculous Mess of the box of chocolates to be transformed into something amazing.
-B
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
This was a Seriously Ridiculous dream I had and not sure what to do about yet.
The rules: no stealing, no drinking alcohol, no smoking, you have to eat what we eat and together, sleep when we all sleep. If you mess up we may show you grace once but afterwards we have to let you go. You are only here if you want to be here if you don’t want to be here then you must leave because you will not change unless you want to change.
There was a place I went to in my dream. I believed it was somewhere in Asia or something like Thailand but the people were not all Asian they had dark skin most of them as if they were black but a couple had lighter skin. At any rate in my dream I went to this place to help out where they brought in kids from off the streets or kids from families who were addicted to drugs and alcohol and they helped provide for all of these kids. They had a very large garden and a cook who cooked everything. The facilities were very large as they had lots of rooms for kids to stay in with beds in them. Also there were facilities for people who came in and helped out as well. The amount of property that this placed had for their entire location was like 30,000 or 3,000 acres I think it was 30,000 (that just seems like so much though). In this location they would care and provide for the kids like and orphanage. These kids would have classes and things of that nature where they would learn normal school things and the woman who ran the place would go out in to the market every week to buy vegetables and spices and always wind up bringing back a kid with them who was living on the street. I think that we would also sell some of the vegetables and stuff from the garden in the market to help provide for the centers general needs.
In my dream the lady who ran the location wanted to get some extra spices but didn’t have any money to get them from the market so she decided to ask the neighbor whose house, a very large house too, was directly across from where the kitchen faced. When she asked the lady for the spices the lady replied that she didn’t have any to spare. The neighbor lady was standing on the balcony of the 2nd story of her house and had a friend with her as well. Both were a bit older and quite stuck up but they were curious about how we constantly kept bringing in new children as they believed that buy doing this center, or whatever it was, it gave us a right to ask people for things and expect it in return. So, the next day the neighbor lady and her friend went out to market and brought a few kids back with them and I was shocked because I knew these women were not doing this to help the children but rather they were doing this to make themselves look good and possibly have people give them things. I became so mad that I went over to the house and confronted them about what they were doing and asked them where they took the kids from. At that point the women began defending themselves saying that they had every right to help kids as we were doing at the center but the problem was they weren’t really helping the kids they just wanted it to be about themselves looking good.
After spending only a short time arguing I decided to leave. It was like arguing with a brick wall and trying to convince it that it really isn’t made of brick but of sand. I kept looking out of the front door of the center and over at the house where the neighbor lived to keep an eye on the kids and think of a way to bring them to the center where they could actually receive help and care from people who genuinely cared for them. I even made an attempt once to bring the kids over to the center but they wanted to stay where they were at so I left them but I kept an eye on the place because I wanted to know how the woman got the children there. At one point a woman showed up to the door of the neighbors house with a child with her and dropped off the child as the two women gave her money. I was enraged and went over to the two women who now had the child and went off on them about how they had been giving women money to take their children off of their hands. When the two women wouldn’t listen to reason I ran after the mother who sold her child to the neighbor. By the time I caught up with her we were in the city area again and people were following me as I was asking this woman how she could sell her child. The woman was obviously someone who had struggled with drugs but she seemed sane enough to tell me that she couldn’t take care of the kid properly and that the kid didn’t really want to be with her. So I told her how the child loved her and would wait for her and didn’t care what she was like because he wanted to be with his mother. The mother just responded that she couldn’t take care of him. She said that she loved him but she just couldn’t do it. I responded with something that sounds cheesy now but I asked her “isn’t love enough.” By now she was getting in to a taxi and an African American guy and another Caucasian man were following me and the Caucasian guy had a camera but I was left just broken for the child, the woman and all the families in the area.
As I walked back to the center with the two men still following me while I talked to myself out loud about not being able to understand why love isn’t enough I began to realize that what we were doing at the center wasn’t enough. My heart was so heavy that I realized that it wasn’t just enough to take the kids out of the streets and give them opportunities and care for them but it had to be done for the whole families. Women and their children needed a place to go where they could change their lives and people could minister to them and help them change their lives. I don’t think I realized this but I was still saying all of this out-loud and woman began to gather with their children and I began to encourage them to come to the center too where they could change their lives and not have to live on the streets anymore.
When I returned to the center I called out for the lady who oversaw the ministry and she wanted to know what was going on and I began to tell her how what we were doing wasn’t enough. We couldn’t just provide a place just for kids anymore it had to be for the whole family if we were going to make any real difference in people’s lives. She began to ask how we would be able to do this or make this happen and what kind of rules we would have. One thing she wasn’t concerned about was the facilities. We owned so much property that we could spread the center out enough so we could have buildings for everything we needed to help these people. So, as I was saying to the overseer that I didn’t know how it would work but it had to happen because what we were doing wasn’t enough anymore the doors for the whole building were surrounded by women with children, women without children, and a couple of men some just looking for a place to get some free food while others were looking for a real life change. We decided to just let them in and they went everywhere looking through everything and so my boss again asked me how we would do this and I said we could have rules and so I then explained the rules to her and then she shouted. She began to explain to the women and men that were there that it would be a place where people who wanted to change their lives could come and find a safe place where they would receive help and provision but that there were rules to be followed. She then explained the rules. When she began to start telling the few rules we had a woman began to put something in her pocket so we decided to add on No Stealing to one of the rules because everything we had was shared.
The whole time this was going on I felt like I would burst out in tears for these people because my heart was so broken but after the rules were said some people left but many stayed. I went into one room and found a couple women with their children sitting on a bed and they told me they had nowhere else to go and they didn’t want me to kick them out so I told them the rules if they wanted to stay and so they stayed. But again the whole time I just felt like crying. And then, I could see people that I had worked in other ministries with coming to this location to help out and the place growing and things happening that we had set out to do in a short time. The whole time I felt like my heart would burst because it was so heavy and full of joy.
And then… I woke up.
There was a place I went to in my dream. I believed it was somewhere in Asia or something like Thailand but the people were not all Asian they had dark skin most of them as if they were black but a couple had lighter skin. At any rate in my dream I went to this place to help out where they brought in kids from off the streets or kids from families who were addicted to drugs and alcohol and they helped provide for all of these kids. They had a very large garden and a cook who cooked everything. The facilities were very large as they had lots of rooms for kids to stay in with beds in them. Also there were facilities for people who came in and helped out as well. The amount of property that this placed had for their entire location was like 30,000 or 3,000 acres I think it was 30,000 (that just seems like so much though). In this location they would care and provide for the kids like and orphanage. These kids would have classes and things of that nature where they would learn normal school things and the woman who ran the place would go out in to the market every week to buy vegetables and spices and always wind up bringing back a kid with them who was living on the street. I think that we would also sell some of the vegetables and stuff from the garden in the market to help provide for the centers general needs.
In my dream the lady who ran the location wanted to get some extra spices but didn’t have any money to get them from the market so she decided to ask the neighbor whose house, a very large house too, was directly across from where the kitchen faced. When she asked the lady for the spices the lady replied that she didn’t have any to spare. The neighbor lady was standing on the balcony of the 2nd story of her house and had a friend with her as well. Both were a bit older and quite stuck up but they were curious about how we constantly kept bringing in new children as they believed that buy doing this center, or whatever it was, it gave us a right to ask people for things and expect it in return. So, the next day the neighbor lady and her friend went out to market and brought a few kids back with them and I was shocked because I knew these women were not doing this to help the children but rather they were doing this to make themselves look good and possibly have people give them things. I became so mad that I went over to the house and confronted them about what they were doing and asked them where they took the kids from. At that point the women began defending themselves saying that they had every right to help kids as we were doing at the center but the problem was they weren’t really helping the kids they just wanted it to be about themselves looking good.
After spending only a short time arguing I decided to leave. It was like arguing with a brick wall and trying to convince it that it really isn’t made of brick but of sand. I kept looking out of the front door of the center and over at the house where the neighbor lived to keep an eye on the kids and think of a way to bring them to the center where they could actually receive help and care from people who genuinely cared for them. I even made an attempt once to bring the kids over to the center but they wanted to stay where they were at so I left them but I kept an eye on the place because I wanted to know how the woman got the children there. At one point a woman showed up to the door of the neighbors house with a child with her and dropped off the child as the two women gave her money. I was enraged and went over to the two women who now had the child and went off on them about how they had been giving women money to take their children off of their hands. When the two women wouldn’t listen to reason I ran after the mother who sold her child to the neighbor. By the time I caught up with her we were in the city area again and people were following me as I was asking this woman how she could sell her child. The woman was obviously someone who had struggled with drugs but she seemed sane enough to tell me that she couldn’t take care of the kid properly and that the kid didn’t really want to be with her. So I told her how the child loved her and would wait for her and didn’t care what she was like because he wanted to be with his mother. The mother just responded that she couldn’t take care of him. She said that she loved him but she just couldn’t do it. I responded with something that sounds cheesy now but I asked her “isn’t love enough.” By now she was getting in to a taxi and an African American guy and another Caucasian man were following me and the Caucasian guy had a camera but I was left just broken for the child, the woman and all the families in the area.
As I walked back to the center with the two men still following me while I talked to myself out loud about not being able to understand why love isn’t enough I began to realize that what we were doing at the center wasn’t enough. My heart was so heavy that I realized that it wasn’t just enough to take the kids out of the streets and give them opportunities and care for them but it had to be done for the whole families. Women and their children needed a place to go where they could change their lives and people could minister to them and help them change their lives. I don’t think I realized this but I was still saying all of this out-loud and woman began to gather with their children and I began to encourage them to come to the center too where they could change their lives and not have to live on the streets anymore.
When I returned to the center I called out for the lady who oversaw the ministry and she wanted to know what was going on and I began to tell her how what we were doing wasn’t enough. We couldn’t just provide a place just for kids anymore it had to be for the whole family if we were going to make any real difference in people’s lives. She began to ask how we would be able to do this or make this happen and what kind of rules we would have. One thing she wasn’t concerned about was the facilities. We owned so much property that we could spread the center out enough so we could have buildings for everything we needed to help these people. So, as I was saying to the overseer that I didn’t know how it would work but it had to happen because what we were doing wasn’t enough anymore the doors for the whole building were surrounded by women with children, women without children, and a couple of men some just looking for a place to get some free food while others were looking for a real life change. We decided to just let them in and they went everywhere looking through everything and so my boss again asked me how we would do this and I said we could have rules and so I then explained the rules to her and then she shouted. She began to explain to the women and men that were there that it would be a place where people who wanted to change their lives could come and find a safe place where they would receive help and provision but that there were rules to be followed. She then explained the rules. When she began to start telling the few rules we had a woman began to put something in her pocket so we decided to add on No Stealing to one of the rules because everything we had was shared.
The whole time this was going on I felt like I would burst out in tears for these people because my heart was so broken but after the rules were said some people left but many stayed. I went into one room and found a couple women with their children sitting on a bed and they told me they had nowhere else to go and they didn’t want me to kick them out so I told them the rules if they wanted to stay and so they stayed. But again the whole time I just felt like crying. And then, I could see people that I had worked in other ministries with coming to this location to help out and the place growing and things happening that we had set out to do in a short time. The whole time I felt like my heart would burst because it was so heavy and full of joy.
And then… I woke up.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Down with "Random" Acts of Kindness Up with "Intentional" Acts of Kindness
Why is it that acts of kindness are so random?
It is as if being kind to others or receiving kindness from others is done so little in our world that we can only understand it as "Random." I don't understand why it is so random. Like, why is it such a bad thing to show kindness to someone? Or, how come when were being kind to someone without expecting anything in return it is counter-cultural? Rather than experiencing or being a part of "random" acts of kindness I think we should seek to live lives filled with days where we are intentionally kind to others.
What would happen if everyday we were intentionally kind to others even when we didn't feel like it? It is possible that nothing might happen at all. Or, in some cases, certain people might just see those who have shown them kindness as people that can be taken advantage of. At the same time it is also possible that simply by being kind a person's life might be changed. (Ok maybe not their entire life but at least their day) hmmm... I wonder what a person behind me in a line at starbucks would think if I told them I wanted to buy them their cup of coffee? The person might get all stubborn and say that they didn't need anyone to buy them anything, or they could just say no thanks, at which point I would insist and tell them I really wanted to. Maybe I should try that sometime. Honestly the worst that could happen is they let me buy them a coffee and then spend a little extra money. (Just to let you know if you ever see me behind you in a line feel free to offer to pay for my coffee I won't mind)
It's a bit ridiculous thinking about randomly trying to be intentionally kind to people every day. I can only imagine how hard this would be and yet how extremely rewarding it may be as well. But, I think in general it starts with realizing that the world is not all about "ME" but that it is about all of "US."
well here is just another random thought
B
It is as if being kind to others or receiving kindness from others is done so little in our world that we can only understand it as "Random." I don't understand why it is so random. Like, why is it such a bad thing to show kindness to someone? Or, how come when were being kind to someone without expecting anything in return it is counter-cultural? Rather than experiencing or being a part of "random" acts of kindness I think we should seek to live lives filled with days where we are intentionally kind to others.
What would happen if everyday we were intentionally kind to others even when we didn't feel like it? It is possible that nothing might happen at all. Or, in some cases, certain people might just see those who have shown them kindness as people that can be taken advantage of. At the same time it is also possible that simply by being kind a person's life might be changed. (Ok maybe not their entire life but at least their day) hmmm... I wonder what a person behind me in a line at starbucks would think if I told them I wanted to buy them their cup of coffee? The person might get all stubborn and say that they didn't need anyone to buy them anything, or they could just say no thanks, at which point I would insist and tell them I really wanted to. Maybe I should try that sometime. Honestly the worst that could happen is they let me buy them a coffee and then spend a little extra money. (Just to let you know if you ever see me behind you in a line feel free to offer to pay for my coffee I won't mind)
It's a bit ridiculous thinking about randomly trying to be intentionally kind to people every day. I can only imagine how hard this would be and yet how extremely rewarding it may be as well. But, I think in general it starts with realizing that the world is not all about "ME" but that it is about all of "US."
well here is just another random thought
B
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Man Who Could Change In To Any Color... Including Plaid
What if you could change the color of your entire body to any color you wanted? And, what if you could change colors of your body parts? Like, say I wanted my hair (yes I'm including that as a body part its my blog I can say what i want) to be red for Halloween so I could look like gaara from Naruto, I could just think about it and presto my hair would be red.
Honestly I think it would be one of the most fun things to be able to just change to whatever color you wanted to simply by thinking about it. There are seriously days where I think to myself I wish I could be blue, or green, or red. Imagine how easy it would be to start conversations with new people. I think the first conversation would go something like this:
Random Person: "Dude your green"
Me: "I know right"
Random Person: "Dude! No! Seriously your green! Like your face and everything."
Me: "Yea I know I got this sweet ability where i can change in to any color I want or just specific body parts. Look at my ears." (At that point I would change the color of my ears to yellow)
Random person: "Woah, thats crazy"
Me: "I know but its so cool cause I can be whatever color I want at any time I want."
Okay so maybe that is just an example of a nice person. I think some people would be scared and run away and some moms might grab their children and walk faster as their son/daughter points and says, "hey mom look at the man with a yellow nose and red ears."
The downside to changing colors, other than having moms freak out and run away with their children who have the bad habit of pointing at people who look different, would be that people would probably want to just test your ability all the time with different requests: "hey can you turn periwinkle?" "How about chartreuse?" (Yes I did look up how to spell that) A new form of prejudice would probably be created as people might start saying hating others who were turquoise or had arms that were different colors. Or, maybe your friends wouldn't want to be around you anymore cause your favorite color to change to was their least favorite color in the world. (Would you still be my friend if I was your least favorite color?)
But you know what I say to all those naysayers; if I want to walk around with an orange and purple arm then I will walk around with an orange and purple arm.
I think the only thing better than being able to change colors would probably be to have a tale like a monkey tale that could lift things or you could hang upsidown from. Maybe even better than a tale would be a sweet set of wings that you could use to actually fly with... Hmm not sure what I would want more wings or a tale. Whatever, thats a whole other thing to blog about at another time.
-B
Honestly I think it would be one of the most fun things to be able to just change to whatever color you wanted to simply by thinking about it. There are seriously days where I think to myself I wish I could be blue, or green, or red. Imagine how easy it would be to start conversations with new people. I think the first conversation would go something like this:
Random Person: "Dude your green"
Me: "I know right"
Random Person: "Dude! No! Seriously your green! Like your face and everything."
Me: "Yea I know I got this sweet ability where i can change in to any color I want or just specific body parts. Look at my ears." (At that point I would change the color of my ears to yellow)
Random person: "Woah, thats crazy"
Me: "I know but its so cool cause I can be whatever color I want at any time I want."
Okay so maybe that is just an example of a nice person. I think some people would be scared and run away and some moms might grab their children and walk faster as their son/daughter points and says, "hey mom look at the man with a yellow nose and red ears."
The downside to changing colors, other than having moms freak out and run away with their children who have the bad habit of pointing at people who look different, would be that people would probably want to just test your ability all the time with different requests: "hey can you turn periwinkle?" "How about chartreuse?" (Yes I did look up how to spell that) A new form of prejudice would probably be created as people might start saying hating others who were turquoise or had arms that were different colors. Or, maybe your friends wouldn't want to be around you anymore cause your favorite color to change to was their least favorite color in the world. (Would you still be my friend if I was your least favorite color?)
But you know what I say to all those naysayers; if I want to walk around with an orange and purple arm then I will walk around with an orange and purple arm.
I think the only thing better than being able to change colors would probably be to have a tale like a monkey tale that could lift things or you could hang upsidown from. Maybe even better than a tale would be a sweet set of wings that you could use to actually fly with... Hmm not sure what I would want more wings or a tale. Whatever, thats a whole other thing to blog about at another time.
-B
Thursday, October 1, 2009
How in the world do you talk to Adults???
This is not a rhetorical question, or at least I don't think it is. This is something I keep asking myself over and over and... ummmm... over?
I have a bachelors in Youth Ministry and I have worked with youth and kids from babies to high school seniors (anyone else ever wonder if they are spelling the word senior right?) and talking to kids and meeting them seems to come really easy almost natural. But, when it comes to adults such as parents or teachers or other random older people I feel like I'm a terrible communicator. People keep telling me that I am just as good at working with adults as I am with youth but honestly I find that very hard to believe. When meeting anyone there is normally this point where conversation is generally surface level and a bit awkward but then you start asking each other questions and things go a bit deeper and you establish a relationship beyond the casual acquaintance. With students it takes only a short time to get past that awkward banter where you say things like "tut tut it looks like rain" or "have a good one," whatever the heck that means, and begin getting a bit more deep and talking about favorite types of cereal and what have been the most drastic life changes you have experienced (I don't care what you say, someones favorite cereal tells a lot about their personality).
Maybe there is a book about this that I could read that would help me out in being more confident in my interaction with other adults, and friends don't count as adults because they are as silly as I am, if not more. If I was to write a book about this subject I would title it "Help I Don't Know How to Speak Adult Talk!" Who knows, maybe if I wrote the book I would be more likely to get past the first couple of pages without wanting to take a nap.
At any rate, I think that part of my problem is that I see myself and youth and adults as extremely different. Don't get me wrong they are very different but honestly look at kids and adults. Adults are all kids just older ones. I mean they are someones kid right? Somebody is their parent or was their parent. So what is to say that they are very different on the inside then the youth I work with and find so easily able to connect with? Hmmm... I think I will try this. Rather than placing adults in a whole other category from kids I will try to see all adults as kids too. I wonder how some teachers and staff and administration at the High School I help out at will respond when I ask them what their favorite cereal is. I can just see the shock on the nurses face when the first question that comes out of my mouth when I go to meet her is, "whats your favorite kind of cereal," lol...
Hopefully by the end of the school year I will have a list of all the teachers and staff's favorite cereal at Central Valley High School. I will definitely have to post it in a blog. Now I just have to pray for boldness to actually do it and not just talk about it. OK Here We Go....
I'm Seriously Ridiculous sometimes.
B
I have a bachelors in Youth Ministry and I have worked with youth and kids from babies to high school seniors (anyone else ever wonder if they are spelling the word senior right?) and talking to kids and meeting them seems to come really easy almost natural. But, when it comes to adults such as parents or teachers or other random older people I feel like I'm a terrible communicator. People keep telling me that I am just as good at working with adults as I am with youth but honestly I find that very hard to believe. When meeting anyone there is normally this point where conversation is generally surface level and a bit awkward but then you start asking each other questions and things go a bit deeper and you establish a relationship beyond the casual acquaintance. With students it takes only a short time to get past that awkward banter where you say things like "tut tut it looks like rain" or "have a good one," whatever the heck that means, and begin getting a bit more deep and talking about favorite types of cereal and what have been the most drastic life changes you have experienced (I don't care what you say, someones favorite cereal tells a lot about their personality).
Maybe there is a book about this that I could read that would help me out in being more confident in my interaction with other adults, and friends don't count as adults because they are as silly as I am, if not more. If I was to write a book about this subject I would title it "Help I Don't Know How to Speak Adult Talk!" Who knows, maybe if I wrote the book I would be more likely to get past the first couple of pages without wanting to take a nap.
At any rate, I think that part of my problem is that I see myself and youth and adults as extremely different. Don't get me wrong they are very different but honestly look at kids and adults. Adults are all kids just older ones. I mean they are someones kid right? Somebody is their parent or was their parent. So what is to say that they are very different on the inside then the youth I work with and find so easily able to connect with? Hmmm... I think I will try this. Rather than placing adults in a whole other category from kids I will try to see all adults as kids too. I wonder how some teachers and staff and administration at the High School I help out at will respond when I ask them what their favorite cereal is. I can just see the shock on the nurses face when the first question that comes out of my mouth when I go to meet her is, "whats your favorite kind of cereal," lol...
Hopefully by the end of the school year I will have a list of all the teachers and staff's favorite cereal at Central Valley High School. I will definitely have to post it in a blog. Now I just have to pray for boldness to actually do it and not just talk about it. OK Here We Go....
I'm Seriously Ridiculous sometimes.
B
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