My faith in the Heavenly Father isn't what is being lost. My faith in people and working in a church is what is wavering. Over and over not matter where I go or what I do I always wind up dealing with the same things and I am so overwhelmed with the resurfacing of emotions that I am ready to just be done.
I am the type of person that can take a lot of abuse or being overlooked or taken advantage of but I am tired of having every expectation crushed and statements made to me about how things will be turned into a lie.
Maybe part of my problem is that I have such high expectations for what working and being a part of a church should look like that when none of what I want to see take place happening I get frustrated and want to quit. Maybe I need more grace. Or, maybe I need more patience. I am not really sure what it is that I need but at this point in my life I am ready to work in a different environment.
I know this may be a shock to some people but that is simply cause I don't where my emotions on my sleeve and don't make a big deal out of things very often but this is honestly where I am at and what I am dealing with.
What does all of this mean for my future and what happens in Shasta Lake? Only God really knows. He knows how I feel and what is really going on in my life and what I am struggling with. I am committed to do the things that He has called me to but it doesn't always look the way that we original expect it to look which means that I could be doing something very similar to what I am doing now but in a different capacity. Right now I am just overwhelmed by how many kids are hurting and dealing with so many families that aren't unified that I don't want to be a part of a ministry or setting where I am disconnected from everything and everyone else because then kids are experiencing the same thing they get at home in a different location.
It is all a bit Ridiculous and it is Seriously Ridiculous that I would go through very similar things all over again but I know there is one who is always faithful even when I am faithless. Thank goodness for that.
B.A.
Been there. It sucks. And all I know to say, is to remind you about what happened to us. Literally in hour darkest hour, a door opened. It was a small door, and I didn't recognize it as anything. But I was obedient and followed my husband to Medford last year. And when I arrived, it was as if I was stepping into my destiny. Can't explain it any other way. And the blessing of it was so great, that it kept me focused even when my mom faced death and then died in my arms. Try not to lose hope. This could be your darkest hour, but that does not mean that God has forgotten you. Perhaps, like us, He is putting you in a position to recognize your destiny...
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