Now I say, "I'm 26."

It is honestly the weirdest thing for me to think about being in my mid-twenties. I don't even know how to feel or think about it. I don't look or feel like I am even close to being the age that I am. As a matter of fact, I feel like I have regressed in years instead of getting older and more mature. I think that I have just become more and more like a kid in these past couple years. I think the fact that people still tell me that I look like I am  17-21. I actually got carded recently when buying a scratcher at 7-11. The lady at the counter didn't believe me when I told her I was old. But, at this point in my life I don't mind being called much younger than I actually am.

Anyway, so I hate birthdays. I mean I really don't like having a birthday. Don't get me wrong I like presents, parties, friends and stuff but the attention is really hard for me to handle and there are lots of crazy things that always happened around my birthday that were not very good. So, every year around my birthday no matter how cool the party is I always seemed to get depressed and I think this is the first year that I began to realize why. It all stems from not understand or knowing how to receive love from others. I don't really know completely why that is but I think it has helped me to recognize why I like to be alone around that time. It is all a learning process and I know that in this next year I will probably grow more in that area, or at least attempt to.

It was weird being 25 and it is even weirder being 26 but I am glad that I God did so many things in my life this last year and it will be interesting to see what He does in this coming year. I still struggle with the same things that I did when i turned 25 and I still have a huge vision for the community that I am working in but my goal this year is to take one day at a time. I don't want to rush into anything and i don't want to take on a whole bunch of things that could weigh me down. I want to do only what I need to do and nothing more. I know right!!! A simple yet Ridiculous idea. We'll see how well I do this next year.

B.

A Very Interesting Dream

I woke up this morning from a dream that was a reflection of what God has done in my heart. In this dreaming I was working in an urban type youth ministry helping all sorts of kids and showing them love. These kids were from many different backgrounds but were all in need of one essential thing, love. So, in my dream I spent most of my time going around being a part of these kids lives and showing them love. I spent time with them, took them out to eat, went to their houses and met their parents, and went to their recitals. I was a very busy person in my dream.
Every once in a while, in this dream,  would walk past a coffee shop that had a large group of people sitting at a bunch of tables outside talking about the things that they wanted to see changed. This group of people would discuss things that they didn't like that kids had to deal with or go through by themselves. They would talk about different ways that they could make an impact on people's lives and show them love but they were always sitting down in front of the coffee shop and not doing anything. These people would sit around in a group everyday and go over all their ideas and the things they wanted to see happen but they never actually got up out of their chairs to do anything.
As I was heading on my way to see a students recital, after already having a long night working with other students, I passed by the group again and as I passed them I became so frustrated that I turned back around and started shouting at them. I told them to stop just talking about all these things that needed to be changed and get up and do something about it. I was so ridiculously mad in my dream that I  even used a few choice words that I am not sure that I would use in reality. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand these people around my age sitting around just talking about what things needed to be done and then never getting up and doing anything. I couldn't take hearing about how there were so many struggling youth who needed to be loved and given attention and seeing nothing happen. As I continued on speaking to the group on getting up and doing something they all actually stood up but some of them walked away while others were still as they stood and listened. Some of the people got really excited while others got scared. After going off for a minute I left and went to the kids recital and then I woke up.

I love youth ministry and being able to do what I do even though it costs me a lot and sometimes all I can focus on is what it is costing me but I am not the type of person who can sit around and talk about something and then never do anything. I believe very strongly that if we want to see lives changed we have to be willing to step up and do something about it rather than just talk about how things should be different. I think what made me the most angry in the dream was that the group of people were constantly talking about doing the things that I was actually doing. They couldn't understand that all they had to do was start loving people rather than sit around talking about loving people. There are too many people that I come into contact with who desperately need someone to care for, and about, them for me to sit still and just wait for something to happen, or for someone else to come and step in.
So, my encouragement is that if you really want to see something change or see people impacted then get up and do something instead of just talking about it.

You have every opportunity to change someones life by loving them like Jesus so get up and go for it.

B.