Trusting The Gift Giver

Here is a sort of random lesson that I learned today as I was reading a book called "Getting Fired for the Glory of God."

Every person has been given certain gifts and abilities that coincide with their identity and who God has created them to be. Over the years I have learned what gifts God has given me and what things I am good at and what I am not so good at. One thing that I didn't learn was how to keep myself from trusting so much in my ability or gifts that I forget to place my trust in the one who has given me the gifts. It is in this ridiculous state of being able to trust my gifts and having a hard time trusting in the giver of the gifts that I find myself now.
It doesn't seem to make much sense to me in my head how I got this way when I know where it is that my gifts have come from. No matter the reasons for how I got here, I need to get out. I can't stand being worried or frustrated or stressed out over things that I don't have control over. I don't like feeling like a failure or a loner or a child. I want to trust in Jesus, the one who I believe died on the cross to redeem all of creation and bring me the freedom to live an abundant life. There are definitely very specific issues and events in my life that have made trusting in God more difficult but nothing could take away my faith that God is love and God is just. So, no matter what experiences I have gone through or what I deal with I will continue believe that God is love. Maybe, instead of just believing that God is love I need to trust in His love and remember that He is always faithful in the midst of everything else that goes on in life.

In comparison to the Creator of the Universe my gifts are nothing and I just need to learn to trust in Him who I can't always see more than the gifts that I do see. Or, maybe I need to open my eyes and heart and see more of Him in the gifts that operate every time I do what I have been called to do.

I don't know. It's all feels a bit ridiculous and messy right now but I have hope that things will be clear in the future.

B.

Little B in the backseat

Tonight I made my dad drive back home from the lake and for the first time in a very long I sat in the backseat when we got closer to our house. The whole way home I was acting completely ridiculous and sticking my head out the window and telling the other person in the backseat to do the same because it seemed so random and fun. I couldnt understand what it was that was making me so crazy until I got home. I was a kid again. I was in the backseat of a car with my dad driving and acting like a complete fool, and it was great, just like a kid.
Recently I have recognized that I continue to have childlike outbursts where I just act like I'm 7 again. I think part of it is my own repressed childlike spirit trying escape from spending way too many moments as a kid playing an adutls role and the other part is simply that I'm always working around kids, which is probably why its easier for me to talk with kids than adults sometimes. I know it isn't a bad thing being as ridicuouslly childlike as I can be but sometimes it does get in the way when I accidently want to respond to a situation or  soemthing the way I would if I was a kid. In a way I think that I spend my time being an adult that contains the heart of a child in order to make up for my past being a child with the heart of an adult.bit in genral i think that being an adult is all relative and too many adults spend way too much time being an adult and far too little time being children. I know that there is a balance somewhere in all of this but I personally have no idea how to get there. Who knows maybe we are all supposed to be a bit more ridiculously childlike and less like stressed out, end of the world sulking, worried, adults. This is how I was created, or at least how the creator has directed my life to becoming, and I may struggle with my ability to build relationships with adults but I trust that I'm at least moving in the right seriously ridiculous direction.

"sigh"
B.